Oh, how I hate mobile phones. It's not the concept itself, because I think it's cool to have the flexibility of a phone that moves with you (and the instrument to rant at your friends if you're so inclined and don't want the people on the street to think you're nuts). And everyone else must think so too because let's face it - you can find the damned things in damn near EVERY shape and size imaginable.

But alas, they DON'T make them like they used to. My dad's first ever mobile phone was an Alcatel. Two row display, by today's standards it would be a BLOODY HORROR, but way back when, it was considered opulent to even have one. The thing was nothing short of a brick - and it had battery slots. I mean AAA batteries. You could slip batteries in the fucking thing so you wouldn't run out. And it was impossible to run out anyway.

I hooked up a MIG to the phone, and it ran for several days. My first phone ever - another gay Alcatel - lasted FOREVER. Never broke. Used it for a year or so.

My current phone is one that I've had with me for a while now (I believe around 3 or 4 years already) - a Nokia 6230i - NEVER failed me. The headphone port is FUCKED and I can't hear in the left headphone, but I use a Bluetooth handsfree when I'm driving, so what the fuck does that matter? It lasts for a fair bit, even WITH Bluetooth on, the quality of the sound is fairly good (and the microphone isn't a piece of shit) - which only became a factor after I started traipsing about in crowded areas and needed a phone that wouldn't distort after every bloody ambulance siren - and I did get tired of not being heard on the other end.

Sadly, I can no longer use it as a music player (which is why I wanted a new fangled thing-a-ma-jig in the first place), but it's solid. They do NOT make them this reliable anymore. I even have a nice wallpaper of Dante on the thing. It's not huge (at least not as large as my now SMASHED TO BITS Nokia N73) and it will fit neatly into my pocket, resembling a modest erection. O NO I WENT THERE.

Ever since China dug into these, they became crap. I swear! I used to love that N73, music player and all. It had really nice features on the thing, and I probably have some notes I couldn't do without but fuck it. It's worth settling my nerves with the smashing about of crap technology.

Now they keep selling these CRAP Sony Erikkkkksons, w350i or whatever, the walkman. Thin and stuff. It's great as a walkman, and the headphones it comes with are COOL, but as a phone, it's rubbish. I can barely hear the other guy talking, and everyone complains how I'm barely heard myself. And I do talk rather lightly whilst on the phone, because I really don't want to risk looking like those people who want to look important talking on the phone.

STOP IT! IT'S A FUCKING PHONE! Make phones be phones again, with the shitty displays, and the batteries that last for months. My N73 used to last a fair bit, before it became afflicted with wear & tear, and I lost the urge to splurge money repairing an already slow and shitty phone. Yeah, it's nice at first, but it gets slower over time. My 6230i DOESN'T. Beat that.

Now if you'll excuse me, my headache has somewhat subsided, and I need to file and polish my nails. I think one is breaking. And I might have a psychotic break. And invent a titanium-grade keratin bond so my nails won't break and I can skin cats with them.

AND NOTHING ELSE MATTEEEERS, YEAH! *insert solo*